May 22, 2011

On My Way Back Home~

If home is where the heart is, then I'm on my way. Starting this Wednesday I'll be heading into a silent meditation retreat at Joshua Tree. That's no talking, texting or anything of the like for 10 days. I'm using this time to get myself clear... With so many distractions in the world today, like Judgement Day yesterday (we made it!?), Facebook, noise pollution, television commercials, the millions of people that surround us and all that chatter in our minds, it's going to be a true vacation to sit in silence for really, the first time in my life.

It's kind of hard to imagine that in my 33rd year I haven't even spent 1-day in silence and I'm jumping into 10! I can't wait. It's been an adventure of a life so far and to tell you all the truth, I am getting tired. I've lived in 10 houses since last September split between New York and California. I got the feeling to come out here last May after Hawaii and the location astrologer (julian lee-link to site) was the final push for me to come out here, although as many of you know it was his recommendation to go to LA. 

Initially I gaffed at that idea and after visiting a few times now it's become more of a possibility. And, I love the bay area too. I've been wondering if I'm at a place in my life now where I can love wherever I'm at, b/c that's what's been happening. I love it up here, I think I could love it down there.. I don't really think its the location of our homes that dictates how happy we are in life, not invalidating our locals by any means. I just mean our happiness and love for our lives, for me, comes from being present and fully accepting where we are in the moment. This is my medicine.

Any other internal chatter that we should be living someplace else or we don't want to be living where we are right now is just that-chatter. And it takes us away from seeing and being appreciative for what we do have. The meditation is a chance, maybe once in a lifetime chance to quiet the mind and be all heart. So, I'm going home, to my heart so I can listen fully without distraction on what it wants, which is to say-what I want.

I'm going to the desert, to the stillness and clarity that the desert provides to go home, inside my heart, where I've been having to find my center repeatedly over the last year or so to get myself clear; Where to live? What to do? All the questions that many of us dare to ask and few dare to answer. Because answering these, as Matisyahu says in his song 'Silence' "I will crush my fantasy on how this life is supposed to be" means that we may find answers that we don't think are really us, that maybe we are avoiding or resisting becoming but we know we really are. Crush the fantasy and become who you really are. 

He also says in the song which I'm going to have to post now is "bring my broken heart to an invisible king with the hopes one day he might answer me..."  The invisible king is us and it's silent b/c the king energy or archetype resides for the most part hidden and governs over our actions in the most noble of ways if we can access it or even identify our inner king. The heart is broken repeatedly over a lifetime and after a while we live to protect it which is no way of living, we start to become inauthentic in our actions and in our lives. If we can access our inner guides, our inner king or queen energy we can shine our hearts into the world in action and being w/o the risk of it being broken or us wounded. The inner king is your highest power of yourself, your true self that no one can mess with, and it's a state of being that only you can connect with.

After the silent meditation I intend to go somewhere and reside. It's that simple for me. Because I want to now. And I also know that I have no idea what I'm going to come up with during this sacred space I'll be in, but I'm ready. See ya in a few weeks.


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