November 04, 2010

Letting Myself Unwind

Today in meditation I didn't care to stop the thoughts from pouring in. I just let 'em flow. Usually, I will work on listening to my breath and focusing on counting and that gets me to that clear space of nothing that is oh-so-zen. But today, nahh. Today I chose not to.

I think there's a lesson in this too. Have you ever tried to meditate? I'm not even sure what this means. I hear people say they try to meditate all the time but can't b/c 'there's too much chatter' so they give up. Ughh. More backward western thinking? Maybe. But let's stay clear of opening that can of worms for now and focus on meditation.

It's just being with your thoughts. There's nowhere to get to. I think many of us quit b/c we expect meditation to 'look a certain way'. That when people do it there's going to be this amazingly clear and profound space that will erase all karmic debts in their life and everything will change-PRESTO! And when it's not they can't understand why all their shit keeps coming up. So, rather than stick with it, many people avoid those thoughts and all 'their stuff' and turn it in. It's very important (I've been noticing) to have blank spaces in my day. And I'm no expert either; I'll hang out 3 hours online before bed with the best of 'em to avoid just simply being with myself.

Back to today; that was just a hick-up of opinionation on my behalf. Let's talk about our thoughts and what I noticed.

So today I chose not to try and keep a blank space. Instead, I chose the opposite. I chose to let my mind go and wander and daydream and go off on everything that came up. I thought about baseball and I let it rip; the next thing I found myself doing was being a Baseball Tonight analyst explaining why even the stellar Phillies starting rotation was beatable had rough patches against the Giants which coalesced hits when they needed to. I was talking in my mind like John Kruk and Bobby Valentine when examining teams and outcomes. I was there, in studio and I had a job!

This was all during a 6am time slot that found Asher leading a MahaSiddha Dharma Buddhist guided meditation. I wasn't even paying attention. And I really didn't care. It's what was there for me. I am learning to not be so hard on myself anymore in life, just going with what's there for me, with what's coming up. I guess you can call this compassion. Deep.

What I want to share is that after all the baseball analysis and thinking about going to Los Angeles tomorrow, I got tired of thinking. I gave up. Or actually, it gave up. My mind did. It stopped thinking and for the last 45 seconds of the hour or so that I was in the practice room, I had peace of mind. Not bad for not even trying, huh?

So this is the lesson that I learned that I can see in my life right now. I am lettin' it all unwind, uncoil and release, without judgement. I am following my own true nature, and am not trying to fit inside of or become like others want me to. That shit feels good!


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