May 16, 2010

Same River, Never Twice.

I am back. Aloha New Jersey. Although, as I drove into Jersey City taking in the Manhattan skyline early this morning around 1:15am, for the first time in, ohh,... 56 days. As I parked the car I will be driving all the way back to D.C. for my brother tomorrow, walked a few blocks to my apt, and as I and walked around in my apt. I could absolutely not deny the dualist feeling of never leaving in the first place and knowing I am not the same person who lived here almost two months ago.

It felt like I never left. Everything seemed the same. Except for the smell. Bad. That is the one difference so far. The air is not the same air in Kauai. I never noticed before I left?

The environment felt so familiar my mind began playing tricks on me. 

"It's still the same here, nothing has changed, you haven't changed, why did you ever leave, did you ever leave? I knew it, the whole thing was a dream."  

Blah, blah-blah-blah blah 
(thank you mind chatter for sharing).

So, there was all of that, AND, what I do notice already, right off the bat, is that I feel like I grew up. I already feel more connected and open, accepting and centered. A sure-fire result of leaving just to come back home and being more in my own skin, being more at home, not just in jersey city, but with myself. I think Being able to differentiate between the these two feelings and thoughts is gold, and I'm grateful for it.

Things feel similar and different. The things are similar, but I am different. And so the proverb, You can't step in the same river twice.  Super Mamish Mahalo.

No comments:

Post a Comment