I'm raising the vibration, every day in fact. For the month of February I am playing my didgeridoos around town, and recording them for audio tracks and/or video tracks. It's my way of spreading awareness of the didgeridoo, being present and to increase energy around an upcoming fundraising project I am going to be doing for a new album and new sound looping and recording equipment.
I'm really inspired just to be in the creative process, with slight attachment to the outcome (i.e. how it sounds at the end). I'm discovering this thus far;
An artist is never happy with what is produced
I'm going to want to quit
I'd rather just create for the sake of creating, without having it be for something in the end.
When I create, I feel more alive.
So, what I want to also share with you is what I have been up to. Like I mentioned above, I am recording didgeridoo every day to spread awareness of my upcoming project to record and complete an album of sonic vibrations. This month I play every day. I record it every day. I post it every day.
Just like that. I am having to learn to come up with exciting content too. Like didgeridoo-ing out my second floor window, didgeridoo-ing at the gas station, and soon (which will totally put me at my edge) didgeridoo-ing on the moving BART train in the morning-yikes!
Here are two videos from my super charged week and weekend. One is Day 3 from last Friday to the backdrop of some of Oakland's fine city-scapes. I fainted that morning at the hospital while drawing blood, and was comsically transported to the dream world, only to be awoken by the lab techs. It was super surreal and I was woozy and lightheaded all day.. but had a burst of energy on this night and dove into my vision of creating this.
The other is from this morning at the gas station. Why not play sound that demands being present, if the listener can drop into Self, especially at the gas station, where consumption and excess prevail.
And, it makes a difference when you watch these and share them, if you feel like it. The more awareness and energy this month's project has for the greater project and the greater project after that all helps support me and my sound making ventures, which is just so much fun and so inspiring.
On Monday I went into the studio to begin the process of recording my very first album.. I'm super stoked~
I didn't have to search far and wide either, .... My neighbor two doors down from me has a recording studio in his house.. I love West Oakland... Leif makes his own pedals and tours and records and teaches.. such a great life.. His studio and business is called Structure Sound
It's something I've always wanted to do and I love this new and recent follow through I'm experiencing in my life. It makes me wonder why everyone doesn't do what they've always wanted? I don't even care how the cd turns out- i'm lying. Really though, the process is dynamic and is offering me this amazement that is my life right now.
I fully intend on carrying that intention through til I die.. til the very super sweet end I'm going to experience myself living the life I've always wanted, doing what I've always said and at least practicing contentment at whatever shows up.
As for the cd.. initially I wanted it to be this meditative, cosmic yoga-ee cd that could be played in savasanas at the end of class or when people are meditating, getting bodywork, what have you.. And the process is turning out to be this groovy, percussive, dancey, meditative cd. I brought in Stephanie who is a healer who makes pretty jewelry and plays crystal singing bowls, Ayla who is a beautiful vocalist and guitar player, and me! I play didgeridoo and also did some mouth vocal-beats and percussion.
I listened to the tracks today and while some need some work, there is this spirit and play that's present in the music. I was listening to it on the way to and from work.. so sweet.
Next I'm going to complete it by bringing in Michael and another Stephanie who play flute and harmonium.
What have you always wanted that you haven't let yourself do yet? You know you're going to die someday... Not trying to frighten you, but you better get connected to that thought now and git yer butt in gear if you've been putting stuff off.
(please listen to this song as you read.. it goes with the post)
By the time I saw a glowing green orb donut shaped thingy, I realized it was definitely time to be out of the hot tub. For real. I saw it. It was right in front of me. A neon green donut floating in front of me with electric purple trim. At first I thought it was awesome. Then, I thought I was going to pass out.
When I got into Janny and Vanny's house everything was really bright and glowing... and then I couldn't stand up without holding onto something; nausea, dizziness, fear, sweat... here we go again! It was just last saturday that all hell seemed to break loose (story is coming to Elephant Journal-promise) and now, again. Hell.
Here's one moral: Do wait AT LEAST 45 minutes before you go for a swim and if the temperature happens to be over 100 degrees wait A LOT LONGER (especially after eating all sorts of animals at the Chinese restaurant con bebidas frias {cold drinks}).
So I got a little overheated (rajasic in sanskrit) as a result of overindulgence in combination with the heat from the hot tub- I also got permission and self-imposed reasons to skip waking up at 6:30-ish a.m. this morning to get picked up for yoga at Nandi in San Mateo where I was to play didgeridoo: I had a headache going home last night around 12:45, I woke up at 3am to lucid dreams feeling not a minute rested past flopping down in my bed hours prior and woke up a few more times that night to the thought, 'I'm going to text her right now and cancel.'
Ughh!!! Here we go, it's time to do the work right now in bed. Ok, what's it going to look likeeeeee, if I cancel
1. The thought of Giselle telling the class that I wasn't going to be showing up to play live didg' in class I'm sure wouldn't have been a big deal.. "It's no big deal." People will say in that in the world; In fact, it's almost expected that if y'all are feelin' ill' it's ok to skip out on a thing.
1a.)Not for me-not today. Got that.
2. I didn't want to cause, or deal with knowing of their disappointment, for myself I mean, even if it was just one person. Does this make sense?
3. I would not want to deal the impact of breaking my word with Giselle,
4. Or deal with the impact of breaking my word with myself.
5. Even if it was all justified by, "It's no big deal"
So, I chose to take responsibility for ALL OF THAT and surmised it all with "I don't want to deal with the impact of breaking my word." -Good mantra to have at 3 a.m. with a headache after almost fainting for the first time in my life... not to mention a lot of undigested cherry pork somewheres in my intestines. I thought of Paul Turro leading The Wisdom Course and saying repeatedly that 'honoring your word is a very noble thing to do, BUT keeping your promises is the most high and holy of actions', a.k.a. karma yoga(principal of cause and effect, selfless service and action, discipline of action). I guess Paul was a yogi too?
It was kinda killin' me though- my powerful self that is. Because as much as I didn't want to skip out on playing in class, I was equally siding with wanting to sleep in and take care of my self, wake up late, blah blah blah. Duality, yeah-it's a bitch. Gotta deal. Yeah, SOOoo who cares. Or as Miles used to say, "So what."
So I woke up, made a green smoothie and tea, took em to go with Natasha (my ride and Giselle's assistant today), watched the sun kiss the tops of the fluffy white clouds looming over the hills and bay and was on my way to play didg' for the kids, even though they were adults,.. it rhymes.
And I got more super valuable lessons, ones which I wouldn't have gotten if I decided to sleep in like a shlub.
During class I kept getting nervous, as I do before I'm about to play didgeridoo for a larger sized yoga class. This one must have been an easy head-count of thirty-five. I kept thinking, my mantra for the day, "I am a yogi; I see the path but do not know the way." It guided me through and as I returned to breath, I calmed myself and was in my practice before I got the tap on my shoulder to make my way to the front of the class.
Two: What if they don't like the music? -Answer: So what. Breathe and take it a breath at a time. That's valuable when playing the didg'. As Ondrej Smeykal told me in a workshop I did last summer, 'just play to your own breath and stop caring what anyone else thinks... If you are in line with your breathing while you play, it will sound 100X better than trying to play for them.' --That worked!
So it was just another 'best day ever' in the sea of 'best day ever's' that I've ever had. Good thing I kept my word, and the test may have been the hot tub and 4 animals I ate the night before... I'm not going veg. though.
Waking up at 5:55am again tomorrow.... I'm officially hustling and officially (self realization here) in the rat race. My last week of unemployment, I have no home and no full time job... just a few part time jobs that im stacking together to make ends meet...
Today I woke up at 5:55 as well.. I was at the BART (bay area rapid transit--think nyc subway but WAY more expensive) to meet Jessica, founder of getaround.com a local bay area car sharing service co. where car owners can rent their cars out and set prices for local renters (organically placed plug).
Man goes to California, goes broke, wanders from place to place sleeping on couches, floors, cabins, futons, works whatever jobs he finds on craigslist and occasionally busks in metro stations playing long wooden instruments that come from deserts half-way around the world.
Now I'm not making any of this wrong - nor am I blaming myself for the positions I have rightfully earned. I am poking light at the fact that I am stuck in California and couldn't leave to go back home even if I wanted to.. which I do-from time-to-time. It's just ironic that I spent all summer making myself believe that California had the answers to my problems AND I thought I would for sure be able to do whatever I wanted OR AT LEAST what I was saying I wanted to do whilst in New York/New Jersey--which was...
"I'm gonna go out there and get a job, find a place to live and see if I want to be in the bay or LA... you know, just live and blah blah blah." As my friend Sarah would say, 'welcome to crazy town'... btw, I'm nowthe mayor of crazy town, usa, aka-California. Why you may ask?
Because I didn't have a CLUE what I was in for. If I knew that this was going to be shaping up to be the fight of my life I probably would have come up with some other grand idea.. and actually.. now that I think about it, would wind-up in the same place I'm in now, only someplace else.
I am really having to teach myself discipline here. Saving my money--ech-chem.. excuse me, I meant NOT spending my money on dance, cookies, juice, or whatever; breaking free from the expectation that the world will provide all I need and ask for as I comfortably sit in the grass, sun beating on my face in half-lotus position... no, this is not the time for that. I would like it to be.. but it's not. It's time to get to work.. and I have to work and I have to make ends meet in as many creative ways possible-right now.
(right now its sleeping in my friend Olivia's room who I met at dance camp while her mom is sleeping in the room next door b/c after 3-months couch surfing I can't afford rent... it's passing out flyers at 7am for cash in hand after my shift so I dont have to use my debit card.. it's ordering Thai food and splitting it up in two portions so I dont spend money on food the next day--its all of that) -much love/respect to the Obidah's, btw.
This 'trip' is also about looking at myself in new ways. Looking NOW to see how I impacted people when I wasn't noticing how I was being ungrateful and expecting, full of myself, arrogant.. This is the feedback I've been getting and it's been EYE-OPENING!
Only when ya travel do ya get this.. or when you wander? When I wander this is what I get.. a dose of medicine aimed at having me having to deal with how I am showing up for the world and let me just tell you I am so committed to transforming this IT HURTS! So, like I was saying, I'm stuck here in California. When I return to the east coast, whenever that is, I will not be in the same everything place I was when I came out here. I will return with honor and pride.
This is my lesson, and the test is called California. Now I gotta go to bed, I'm waking up in 6 hours to pass out flyers. And before I go I want to mention a few more things.
a.) I shaved my beard after a dream that I shaved my beard. To me this is a sign of coming out of hiding.
b.) After realizing that I have been being stingy and selfish with my recent housemates.. like ReALLY GETTING THIS IN MY BONES that I have been showing up like this all the while thinking otherwise--I can now see the possibility arising in the shadows.. And it's called being grateful and abundant for what I do have.
I have two amazing jobs. In one I get to greet San Franciscans each morning now and wish them all 'Good Morning' as I pass out a great new car sharing service. Let me say if you wished your city or town good morning at least 300 times to their face, you would feel ecstatic. The other is with this incredible Jewish non profit that teaches resistance training and how to stand up to fight the good fight after learning about the Jewish guerrilla fighters who lived in the woods during WWII.
And it's all starting to shift; my context, my reality, my being, my face! This really is it. I'm living my life and it's only going to get better.
Some of you may know that I have thrown myself into the magical world of playing the didgeridoo. Here's whats been going on. I went to Australia in 2000 to study printmaking. I bought a didgeridoo there. It was in Cairns (prounounced: Cans) that I purchased this didgeridoo. I ran into a man playing one of these didgeridoos for minutes on end. I was mesmerized watching him play and listening to the drones, crackles, twangs and buzzes flowing from the instrument. He stopped, looked up at me and said, "It's an amazing journey." That was pretty much it for me, I had to get one.
I learned different sounds, but ran into a blockade trying to understand this 'circular breathing' stuff. How do people breathe in AND out at the same time. I couldn't do it. I gave up and my didg' became an ornament for showing friends and impressing girls.
Fast forward to April, 2010. I am in Kauai, studying yoga, right,.. you guys know this. One of the girls in the training with me has this boyfriend named Jim who has a didgeridoo. And I don't know what it was about this guy, or this didg' or what, but something in me said, "it's time to play this instrument again." So, I bought one at the local music shop, a plastic version, painted in the traditional Aboriginal way of the dreamtime serpent.
I practiced and practiced, the sounds came back to me. I expanded on more sounds. Still the circular breathing wasn't there, although I became committed to learning so I can fulfill on this dream I had of playing in the New York City subway system. I first became aware of this dream after I saw this, check it out.
I left Hawaii still practicing. Practiced more at the Dharma Siddha Buddhist house in Berkeley, CA. They were happy I was playing. I was happy too, but I knew I had lots left to learn. I came back to New Jersey and watched countless circular breathing tutorials on YouTube, it still wasn't helping b/c I wasn't circular breathing, which basically means I can play well, but for only 15 or so seconds at a time, maybe. To circular breathe would mean I could go out into the streets and fulfill my dream and mission of playing in the subway and being a busking musician, an artist but only once I get this breathing technique.
When I was in Berkeley I met a woman who could play and circular breathe. She said it was all feeling. That wasn't good enough for me at the time though. I needed linear, concrete examples on how to breathe, move my cheeks, flicker my tongue. All of it. I also met a man at the same house I met this woman at and he was giving me all kinds of equations for breathing circularly. But that didn't help either. Was I ever going to get this!
Yes I was!I got it. I got it last friday night! And, I have to say the woman who taught me to just feel my way into it was right. It's a total feeling instrument and my teacher. And last friday night, one week ago right now, I was playing in the W4th subway station on the B,D,F,V Downtown and Brooklyn platform fulfilling a dream. How did it happen?
Earlier that night I was in my room around 8:45 playing, probably just going to stay in and drink a beer with Doug and Olivia when it just clicked. Just like that. I couldn't believe it. I was now ready to go play in the subway! And good thing for me b/c with my recent financial shortage I was planning to play the next day, even if I didn't get the breathing down. Perfect!
It was one of the most exhilarating experiences I have had in a while, different than Hawaii. This was me on my edge, as a man and I was SUPER ALIVE! I made a few duckets but the best part was talking to a 10-year old girl and her mom as they gazed in curiosity.
Since that night the interactions remain to be the best part of this whole new endeavor I have taken on. West 4th street, Broadway/Lafayette, Central Park (that was a free concert I gave to the people), Washington Sq. Park, Madison Sq. Park and Union Square have all seen me to this point. Coincidentally at the same time I have begun to teach yoga. I've played 6 times now in New York City and have taught yoga 3 times last week. Since playing I have met 3 yoga teachers also who want me to play with them in their class as well as some other juicy opportunities that have surfaced where I can play music.
I feel I am living out of my heart and am completely in alignment with my passion right now. I want to create music. I want to develop this sound with inspiring mantra's and trance-like effects and play across the lands and be a yoga teacher and didgeridoo player for my students. You don't think I'm serious? Oh, I am. Just you wait.
Throughout this past week I have felt more connected to yoga, to it's practice and how much of an honor it is to teach this lineage. How does the didgeridoo connect to yoga besides playing for classes? I am playing. Yoga is a practice that can loosen up the tightness of everyday living, lighten up our outlooks and enlighten our souls. Naturally playing didg' in the streets has come from lightening up and living day by day, listening to my heart, shutting up my head and remaining present to my dream. Yoga means union. Yup, that's how.
Just had a healing session with Daniel and Alan, two amazing practitioners staying at the MahaSiddha house with us. In the session, I realized 'why am i spending my time organizing my days and being on a schedule when I really have nothing to do, at all!'
Then it came to me that, and I'll quote one of my favorite mind-bending movies, 'Waking Life' "What was missing was felt irretrievable, the extreme uncertainties of traveling without working made excess necessary and breaks definitive." In other words, if I don't try to get somewhere, the place where I'm supposed to be will be shown via my heart.
It takes a lot of energy to plan. And maybe I'm supposed to stay here in the bay area for a bit longer? Maybe not? What about the long term? One thing Hawaii has provided for me is the sense that everything is ok as it is. And, the love of playing music and sound has come through for me. I bought a didgeridoo in Kauai and have become immersed in it. I am committed to mastering the didgeridoo, and all that is coming to me is wanting to play it in the streets for people. Huh? Ok. This little heart of mine, I'm gonna let it shine, and follow that heart towards the blissful state that anyone can attain by doing so.
The challenge; being courageous enough to walk the walk and step outside the expectations that I have adopted and downloaded from myself and others in my life. To live a true life is to go on through it without knowing where to go but still having an idea of what one wants, right?
