Settling In...

And now it's time to slow down a bit and settle in.

I always preferred that to 'settling down' anyways... I've been living around the bay area in 7 different houses now. Have had about 4 jobs and of course have been wandering around in my mind and in my heart for the entire duration.

But now things are shifting.

I'm getting tired of doing the same thing over and over again.. yes. It's insane. Not what I'm doing but to the extent of which I'm doing it, .... yes, it's insane. When I left New York.. (new jersey) 141 days ago I was willing to let myself unfold into the mystery. Or, in other words, let myself go,...err, I mean I wanted to let whatever was at the core of my wandering play itself out so a location could be found.

I knew I had to leave. Leaving always forwarded my process. Picasso marked his periods endings/beginnings when he returned home from being away. I remember in 2004 when I bought my 1995, forest green Ford Ranger-XLT and traveled the states in it for 8-months I came back to Philly newly.

Location is being found out, right now. It doesn't feel like 141 days. It feels almost, timeless... the presence of being in the journey and myself at the same time as I have been watching myself let go of layers which were unable to be cast aside while being stuck are now leaving.

I'm drawing more.
I'm dancing a lot more.
And I'm following my word.

I think sometimes, 'could I have grown like this if I were still in nj/ny? I think not. For me it takes a drastic shift to accomplish the progression I need. I mean, maybe I could have done it in nj/ny.. in fact I'm sure I could have.. I just didnt want to. And besides, I'm impatient... I'm an Aries. I'm an artist-I live like on.

All the things I've been wanting to do with my life are starting to sink in, settle in and really right now IS the only time to move forward. I'm tired of watching my word fly away while the layers of my past stay and stay.

So because that past and old layers sway,
My true intentions and dreams are being layed.

I'm just pourin' the concrete
on my dreams' foundation.

I'm settlin in
and am in my dreams vacation.

                       -fin.

That being said I think I'll stay here and move into a home w/ the intention of living in it for more than 30 days.
I've got big things envisioned for the rest of my life... starting now.

B~

AUgust.

It's August.. for me this is the end of the year. September has always been a new beginning for me as it used to be the time to go back to school and is the Jewish new year. It also feels like a new beginning. The summer is winding down as the season changes into autumn and it is a time of creative and new beginnings, much more-so then January, right?

This month is a crucial month for me. I am subletting my apt. and possibly moving out for the first time in 2 years. I love living with the Bright Street Boys in Jersey City. More importantly this is a time for me where I am looking to root down and start something special. I just don't know where this is yet.

I will make a voyage out to California and places between later in the month and see just where I want to create in this dream. It really is just a dream, you know. We are on one giant dream-board, dreaming together a collective dream that we are calling life.

So, we shall see? I will be out on the west coast soon and I am still completely open to coming back east and living in this area. But for now, I dream.

B~

I-anger (Iyengar)

That's another term for Iyengar, an alignment based yoga method taught by the renowned, late, Sri. K. Pattabhi Jois. I went to Yogaworks last night for a class and while it was amazing to be there with all the state of the art, posh-bling features that the studio possesses. I couldn't quite move past my own judgement.

Ok, ok, whoah.. hold the phones here. But Brandon, YOU are a yoga teacher and why the heck were you judging in the first place (Oy, this may take a while). First, I'm still practicing, learning, practicing, learning. Second, I'm a human being and let's face it, we ALL judge, everyone, even YOU, the person reading this right now. But so what if we judge. What comes first and foremost as my own practice is discernment. I judge, then discern, then the judging wanes and opens to being compassionate. That's been my own path. I can see that I am judging and when I do this what gets cut off is love, self expression (my own), affinity, laughter, lightness, being, breath, all of it. But it's natural to judge so naturally we must notice this and move into a space of looking at where the judgement is coming from, what we are getting from it and what it's costing us.

Back to last night's Iyengar class. Where was the connection of posture with breathing? It didn't show up. "Open your chest by lifting your ribcage, tuck your tailbone in, suck in your stomach." I was dying to teach that breath will naturally move everything into alignment, how could he be missing this and more-so teaching this! 'Move my body into a dome?'-What the heck does that mean? 'Make my leg a square?'-Huh? Then when the teacher taught us to outstretch our arms from the socket by pulling our shoulder blades in, I have to say I killed him off, right then and there in that moment. But why?

I noticed myself being a statue of grey toned stoicism hiding all the thoughts, including 'externally rotating the shoulders at the joint is what holds the arms and shoulders in the socket so why are you teaching this way b/c it's wrong.' But again, not important b/c I was still portraying a grotesque Rodin-like statue, yogi in disguise, and that's not who I want to be.

In yoga and in our lives, what really is important here. Getting it right? Probably not. Teaching it correctly? I would say yes but then what is it to teach 'correctly?' So maybe not that either although it's still important. Being with breath, present, alive and inspired. Come on, totally yes.  At least for me it is. And maybe this is the yoga that I realize I want to teach?

I could understand that the teacher was doing his best, giving his all and only knows what he knows. So why should I judge silently pretending to be happy? Ok, I gave that up. I wasn't too happy in class last night. I allowed the cynicism to come out. I didn't like it. But I didn't hide it either, and that may have been the gold. To me I conceptually get that everyone and everything is my teacher if I am willing to be open to the lesson. Whethere I get the lesson or not is a different story. I was willing last night. I learned that when I allow myself to be true to myself, even if it's by showing resignation and cynicism, I will eventually move into a compassionate place. Eventually, it passed and I began to consider all the different styles and ways one can learn, practice and teach yoga. There are many, especially in New York. I began to see the teacher in a new light where I could be compassionate and a contribution to his class just by being present. And what came next was the best. I saw my deep commitment to teaching yoga and how I am at the next level of the journey as a new teacher and what I am sure to bump up against as a teacher.

Because if I was this way in this guy's class, someone is sure to be that way in mine. So how can I empower myself as a teacher and my students? How can I teach so everyone is taken care of? I'm not sure exactly, not just yet. Although, I'm stoked to teach this lineage and modify my own teaching practice to empower students with movement and breath with what inspires them and how they can remain more present and compassionate with themselves. Ready?

B~

Didgerido-ing My Thing

Some of you may know that I have thrown myself into the magical world of playing the didgeridoo. Here's whats been going on. I went to Australia in 2000 to study printmaking. I bought a didgeridoo there. It was in Cairns (prounounced: Cans) that I purchased this didgeridoo. I ran into a man playing one of these didgeridoos for minutes on end. I was mesmerized watching him play and listening to the drones, crackles, twangs and buzzes flowing from the instrument. He stopped, looked up at me and said, "It's an amazing journey." That was pretty much it for me, I had to get one.

I learned different sounds, but ran into a blockade trying to understand this 'circular breathing' stuff. How do people breathe in AND out at the same time. I couldn't do it. I gave up and my didg' became an ornament for showing friends and impressing girls.

Fast forward to April, 2010. I am in Kauai, studying yoga, right,.. you guys know this. One of the girls in the training with me has this boyfriend named Jim who has a didgeridoo. And I don't know what it was about this guy, or this didg' or what, but something in me said, "it's time to play this instrument again." So, I bought one at the local music shop, a plastic version, painted in the traditional Aboriginal way of the dreamtime serpent. 

I practiced and practiced, the sounds came back to me. I expanded on more sounds. Still the circular breathing wasn't there, although I became committed to learning so I can fulfill on this dream I had of playing in the New York City subway system. I first became aware of this dream after I saw this, check it out. 

I left Hawaii still practicing. Practiced more at the Dharma Siddha Buddhist house in Berkeley, CA. They were happy I was playing. I was happy too, but I knew I had lots left to learn. I came back to New Jersey and watched countless circular breathing tutorials on YouTube, it still wasn't helping b/c I wasn't circular breathing, which basically means I can play well, but for only 15 or so seconds at a time, maybe. To circular breathe would mean I could go out into the streets and fulfill my dream and mission of playing in the subway and being a busking musician, an artist but only once I get this breathing technique.

When I was in Berkeley I met a woman who could play and circular breathe. She said it was all feeling. That wasn't good enough for me at the time though. I needed linear, concrete examples on how to breathe, move my cheeks, flicker my tongue. All of it. I also met a man at the same house I met this woman at and he was giving me all kinds of equations for breathing circularly. But that didn't help either. Was I ever going to get this!

Yes I was! I got it. I got it last friday night! And, I have to say the woman who taught me to just feel my way into it was right. It's a total feeling instrument and my teacher. And last friday night, one week ago right now, I was playing in the W4th subway station on the B,D,F,V Downtown and Brooklyn platform fulfilling a dream. How did it happen?


Didg'in da' subway from brandon waloff on Vimeo.


Earlier that night I was in my room around 8:45 playing, probably just going to stay in and drink a beer with Doug and Olivia when it just clicked. Just like that. I couldn't believe it. I was now ready to go play in the subway! And good thing for me b/c with my recent financial shortage I was planning to play the next day, even if I didn't get the breathing down. Perfect!

It was one of the most exhilarating experiences I have had in a while, different than Hawaii. This was me on my edge, as a man and I was SUPER ALIVE!  I made a few duckets but the best part was talking to a 10-year old girl and her mom as they gazed in curiosity.  

Since that night the interactions remain to be the best part of this whole new endeavor I have taken on. West 4th street, Broadway/Lafayette, Central Park (that was a free concert I gave to the people), Washington Sq. Park, Madison Sq. Park and Union Square have all seen me to this point. Coincidentally at the same time I have begun to teach yoga. I've played 6 times now in New York City and have taught yoga 3 times last week. Since playing I have met 3 yoga teachers also who want me to play with them in their class as well as some other juicy opportunities that have surfaced where I can play music.  

I feel I am living out of my heart and am completely in alignment with my passion right now. I want to create music. I want to develop this sound with inspiring mantra's and trance-like effects and play across the lands and be a yoga teacher and didgeridoo player for my students. You don't think I'm serious? Oh, I am. Just you wait. 

Throughout this past week I have felt more connected to yoga, to it's practice and how much of an honor it is to teach this lineage. How does the didgeridoo connect to yoga besides playing for classes? I am playing. Yoga is a practice that can loosen up the tightness of everyday living, lighten up our outlooks and enlighten our souls. Naturally playing didg' in the streets has come from lightening up and living day by day, listening to my heart, shutting up my head and remaining present to my dream. Yoga means union. Yup, that's how.

B~

Someone recently asked me what my most profound moment of yoga has been

 The most profound moment of my yoga practice, albeit there were many, would have to be the moment I realized that I was in fact, a yoga teacher. It wasn’t at my teacher training or after my training. It was at Burning Man in 2006. 


I was taking a class from this really great teacher named Joe who teaches somewhere in the Chelsea section of New York City. There must have been about 70 people in his class, under a tent in the desert. It was early, around 9am and we were set up in concentric circles going from the smallest circle in the center of the tent (with me in it-of about 6 people) outwards towards the largest circles at the back ends of the tent which linked roughly 20 or so people. I can’t really remember those details. What I do remember was that since it was outside and being the very expansive desert was hard to hear Joe as he walked around and taught. 


I noticed two things. One, that I was amazingly present and centered in my practice that morning. I hadn’t practiced in a few months up until that point and was surprised how open my body was. This leads me to the second point. I was smiling. Wide. And since I was having my own transformational experience in this class already being all open and present of sorts, I saw other people who couldn’t hear the teacher watching me for instruction. 


Besides radiating positive energy that morning, I profoundly got in my bones that I was a yoga teacher. All right inside that moment. It was just a matter of time from that point to the moment I chose to head to Kauai to teach.

Same River, Never Twice.

I am back. Aloha New Jersey. Although, as I drove into Jersey City taking in the Manhattan skyline early this morning around 1:15am, for the first time in, ohh,... 56 days. As I parked the car I will be driving all the way back to D.C. for my brother tomorrow, walked a few blocks to my apt, and as I and walked around in my apt. I could absolutely not deny the dualist feeling of never leaving in the first place and knowing I am not the same person who lived here almost two months ago.

It felt like I never left. Everything seemed the same. Except for the smell. Bad. That is the one difference so far. The air is not the same air in Kauai. I never noticed before I left?

The environment felt so familiar my mind began playing tricks on me. 


"It's still the same here, nothing has changed, you haven't changed, why did you ever leave, did you ever leave? I knew it, the whole thing was a dream."  


Blah, blah-blah-blah blah 
(thank you mind chatter for sharing).


So, there was all of that, AND, what I do notice already, right off the bat, is that I feel like I grew up. I already feel more connected and open, accepting and centered. A sure-fire result of leaving just to come back home and being more in my own skin, being more at home, not just in jersey city, but with myself. I think Being able to differentiate between the these two feelings and thoughts is gold, and I'm grateful for it.


Things feel similar and different. The things are similar, but I am different. And so the proverb, You can't step in the same river twice.  Super Mamish Mahalo.

Giving is Receiving

Revamping life. It's time for a change. If anything being away taught me, it's that being away is the best way to find my way. Of course I would want to be around communities and local sustainablity and connect more to my own passions and gifts that I have cultivated over the last 10 years of my life as an artist and a healer.

To get out of the NY/East Coast/NJ rut was the best medicine I could have ever asked for.  I'm ready to come back more connected and aligned to who I am and to what my heart is saying. Being in California was feel good. I worked with a lot of people on the YogAlign Method and even found myself leading a shot-gun style class at this raw food/superfood collective one night where raw pie and poetry was the theme.  And it felt good, not to try but to give, know what I mean?

Ah, the theme of this blog comes through. When I give my gift freely without trying to or being attached to doing so, my own expression comes through with more vibrance.

I have found this true before in the past as well. For instance, last week when I was sitting around talking to people about life and yoga and hawaii what naturally came was, "I can show you some stuff" and bc it was natural and in the conversation, the gift I offered was more readily able to be received- and thus received as I showed Alexander some neuromuscular breath work. He benefited from it but even if he didn't the experience for me was rewarding as I too received the gift of service. As they heal, we heal.  I wondered if I had come with the intention of working with people at the party, would it have come naturally as it did just by me wanting to help others and share? 

I always thought there was this rigid formulaic way to go about marketing and 'getting' clients as a practitioner, but what I keep noticing is that it's always a natural process for me and if anything I have been fighting my gift of spontaneity, charisma and connection with people.  I could easily be myself, go up to strangers and talk to them, I do all the time. And to then share with them my talents is what's next.

As a health counselor in the past when I tried to make things happen I rarely achieved success in that model. But I always noticed that when I was natural and in my own wanting to share what I know with others, openly and without expectation of a return, like money, I wound up being successful in the relationship, which could be the initial consult for bringing back clients who will pay.

There are many times when I see someone suffering or ailing on the street, that I just want to go up to them and give myself, without any expectation in return. I most of the time restrict that natural energy, thinking "that would be weird," and go about my life. But now I see it differently and as my recent travels have shown, I am more open to sharing and giving which excites me because when people ask, "are you going to teach when you return home," I say yes, but really don't want to force anything. I'm really just most interested in helping others and letting the energy flow as it does, and if it leads to clients and classes, etc. great. If not, then so what, I'll do and be where I'm guided.

What are your talents you share or don't share? Where have you noticed yourself in command through the energy of giving? What would be possible for you if you were present with yourself and your gifts? What would you receive? What could you give to others? What difference would that make for them?